Skip the protocol (My convocation story)

After four years of tirelessly studying at the university, I recently (June 26, 2015) graduated with a degree in Mass Communication.

Yes! Thanks for all the congratulatory messages in advance. I am sincerely grateful.

Prior to the convocation ceremony, my grandmother travelled from Osun to Lagos, just to be physically present at the event, there were also a lot of items to be bought which later began to stress me out. Finding quality materials at malls was really breath-taking, all in the name of a celebration.

Later on, the entire convocation process and protocol started to make me nauseate as I just felt like collecting my certificate and saying goodbyes.

Unfortunately for me it was a week-long event which consisted of a convocation lecture, a hooding ceremony, a long clearance process, the convocation ceremony proper, an alumni investiture and a thanksgiving ceremony ( well .... that's all I can remember.)

Your guess is as good as mine, I was totally exhausted.

After the convocation ceremony, while family and friends present were eating and chatting. I got irritated as I was supposed to smile for hundreds of pictures (not an exaggeration). After taking a few, I couldn't fake it anymore, I was frowning, not because I was not happy but I did not see any need for all these.

My mum and some others yelled saying "Smile now, today is your day"

I am not saying there should be no celebration. There should be a gallant celebration but in cases where the celebration starts to make the celebrant weary. Hmmmn!
(coughs)

All I propose is to stick to the basics and skip the protocol.

Thanks.

WHAT IS LOVE?

When I was about 7 years of age, I considered the word “love” as an overused one, almost everyone I knew said “I love you”; in movies, I constantly heard the phrase “I love you”.

I heard it so much that it began to lose meaning. When anyone said the word “love”, I always nodded in confusion and when the love term was directed at me, I ignorantly said “Thank You”. As I grew older, I definitely became wiser but I couldn’t fully decipher the meaning of the word – “love”

Two months before my 10^th birthday, I gained admission into a secondary school (Grade 7) and I was given a long array of academic books to purchase, books ranging from maths to science, general studies and yes, English!

Among the English books for purchase was the English Dictionary. I was simply overjoyed, I had been trying to convince my parents to get me a dictionary, simply because one word had made me confused. I was scared of asking my parents or my teacher, to tell me the meaning of love, I thought they would think of me differently, they would feel I was corrupt.

Two days later, my mum came in with three nylons, all containing books, I remember running to meet her, almost hitting her and carrying all the nylons from her. 

Mum wondered where I got such strength from, truth be told they were really heavy but I didn’t care all I knew was that I was getting answers to long-standing questions. Ignoring other books, I reached out for the dictionary, reciting the alphabets “JKL”. I opened it to letter “L” and my eyes quickly caught the word “Love”. What could I say, I was utterly disappointed.

The dictionary defined love as a deep feeling of deep affection, you have for someone or something.

Don’t forget at that time I was 9 going on 10. This revelation got me thinking “Who do I love?” At that time the answer was simple – My family

Years have passed and things have changed, people now say “I’m falling in love with you” or “We fell in love”. This made me think, is love something you fall into, like a ditch

Love in my own terms should be likened to that feeling that stems from the family, based on care for others, laughter and the communal feeling of togetherness. Love should grow, it should not be something you fall into and it neither should not be instantaneous.

Once again, I ask what is Love?

MY THOUGHTS ON SCARCITY

With the current fuel scarcity pervading my country (Nigeria), I pondered on a lot of thoughts which was partially triggered by my imagination as well as a movie I once saw.

In the movie, humans were programmed in such a manner that once a person was 25 years of age, such a person had a year to live, and that amount of time was also to be used as a medium of exchange.

A cup of coffee could be 3 minutes while a loaf of bread could be 5. The wealthy could accumulate large amount of money or time as the case may be, while the poor run around with some few minutes or hours looking for some casual work to do to earn them some time. Some sell their properties, because if they clock out, they die.

The fuel situation as well as the movie made me further think, what if air was scarce, and what if water was scarce; what if smiles and laughter costs money, what if a 100 words spoken cost a dollar, would you be mute?

We know the drill, when things are scarce they become expensive, as the rich will be willing to buy at almost any cost making the masses suffer, bus fares are higher than usual, the cost of goods and services are more expensive.

Yesterday, the pepper seller said 6 tomatoes were now 200 naira instead of the normal 70 naira, when I asked her why the tomatoes were so expensive, she said “Don’t you know diesel is expensive”. 

Diesel and Tomatoes, How?

 I laughed uncontrollably but that didn’t change the price of the tomatoes.

Now I strongly assert and join others to say

“For what we freely receive, Heavenly father, make us truly grateful”. 

ABOUT VALENTINE

Flowers, cards, gifts, balloons, chocolates and cakes are everywhere.

Smiles, warm hugs, and everyone seems to be really excited. Oh! Happy day.

“I love you” must have been the most said word, everyone fully recognizes this day. A day fully acknowledged worldwide just to show love. Hmmn! emotional. Considering it’s a much-anticipated period for all lovers, couples and everyone in a relationship.

Bringing a new dimension to things, what exactly happens before, during and after the 14th of February?

BEFORE

Shortly after the New Year buzz is over, merchants collaborating with media publicists spread the word about the season of love that apparently comes once in a year and make catchy messages about gifts available for sale in limited offers.

Relationships still go on smoothly, although comprising of breakups here and there, semiotics and facial expressions are evident in the relationships especially amongst the female counterpart; the ladies make efforts to indirectly ask their man how Valentine is going to be celebrated and then the guys begin to plan on how best to make the day worthwhile or somewhat perfect.

DURING

Malls, eateries, cinemas, fun centres are filled to capacity as couples or should I say the males are trying to show love to the females. Yes! the efforts of the merchants are not in any way close to being in vain as numerous exotic gifts have been purchased all in the process of trying to express love.

moments are shared with that special one, moments that should not be forgotten in a hurry, not because of the gifts but because of the time spent with that one you truly care about, whatever is being shared, whatever is being discussed and whatsoever is being done on February 14 is to be entirely focused on the theme of love.

AFTER

Memories still fill the heart of the “loved” and the news of the creative ways people expressed their love spreads so swiftly sometimes leading to envy. 

Then things almost go back to normal or even worse as those wise people who spent all they had or even run into debt to buy gifts for their beloved, engage in borrowing or start striving to get back on their knees financially. Everyone returns to his or her usual schedules, whether it is a busy one or not.

There is scarcely any moment to show love once again (birthdays, maybe!)and we wait till the next 14th of February.

With all sincerity, should love be constricted to one day?

I NEED A FRIEND

I love my life

I love nature, love my family

I do everything with such joy and delight

I love to smile

Once again, I love my life

I have a lot of friends

Scratch that, I have a friend

Not particularly a friend but I see her as one

MY MUM!

I need a friend

Someone I talk to, laugh and play with

Only that part of my life had a bit of blemish

However, I still loved it

My mum knew of this situation

She always encouraged me to reach out to others

Make friends, have better and intimate relationships

She felt that my scale of success

Was dependent on my network of friends

I knew she was right

The next day was the beginning of another school week

I had to make this happen

I could not wait for this day

And when it came …

I set out early, happy, and ready

Ready for a new experience

Probably a life-changing one

I was at school by 7am

This was rather quite early

Only few teachers had arrived

So I waited, waited for someone

Someone I could talk to

Someone to connect with

Few minutes later, I saw a boy walking swiftly

The time had come to make friends

Judging from his looks, he was about my age

I approached him quite scared

“Hi, my name is Dave and you are” I said

“Timothy” he said as he continued to walk by

He was obviously rushing to finish up his homework

I would definitely meet other friends, I thought to myself

However, I was wrong, that was probably the nicest response

Moments later, a girl came up

Introducing myself like I did earlier

“How can I help you?” she replied

With a smile on my face, I responded

“I just want to be your friend.”

As if I was a jungle monster

She ran away as fast as her legs could possibly carry her

She kept on running even after she had climbed the stairs

A boy who I had always seen around school came

He was slightly taller than I was

And he really looked like a nerd

Full hair, glasses, he just looked like them

“Eureka!” I said to myself

With so much joy, I introduced myself like I had done earlier

Told him of my intention to be his friend

He stared at me for a few seconds

Then he began to laugh, he really laughed so hard

Expecting an instant YES

Well nothing close to that

After he was done laughing, he answered

“Your friend, you do not deserve a friend and

No one would ever want to be your friend

So do not bother trying.”

He left and continued to laugh

That was it I give up

I went to the school hall and sat at a corner

Looking at the wall clock, it was 7:45 am

45 minutes of trying and failing

It was this time that most people resumed

As I could hear people talking and laughing as they entered

At that very moment, I began to cry, cry uncontrollably

What can I possibly do?

We all know that humans are social beings and life would be boring if we live a life of solitude. God knew all these that is why he said it is not good for a man to be alone and he decided to send him a companion.

The value of friends cannot be overemphasized, good friends especially. Without doubt, there are still many people out there that have no friends and very few acquaintances. What could be wrong? These people are normal, bright, smart, promising and possess everything anybody could want in a friend. Could it be low self-esteem, fear, what exactly could make them have little or no friends?

Guess they have one problem, blending in

The environment you find yourself in might not be as friendly as you wanted or expected. However, here are some ways to blend in and make friends

1.       Your dressing matters:

The overused saying that the way you are dressed is the way you are addressed is a 120% true. In my own opinion, dressing is a crucial role when making friends. You need not dress gorgeously to attract or make friends. Dressing in a responsible and smart manner is enough to boost your confidence and make it easy to blend in and make friends.

 

2.       Be confident:

To sum up enough courage to walk up to people and attempt to create friendships could be an uphill task. It requires a lot of courage to command the respect you truly deserve. Such confidence would make people want to listen to you, confidence not only in your speech but also in your poise, carriage, gesture. Confidence also goes to the extent of being comfortable when talking to your soon-to- be friend.

3.       Understand them:

A proper fore-knowledge of the people around you could give you a specific edge that will make them want to be your friend. Proffering solutions to their problems instead of putting yourself first would be a good way to speed up the “friend making” process.

Appearance, confidence and understanding are the major factors undermined in making friends and building relationships.

Don’t just dress well but dress smartly, be courageous and show it, a high self-esteem is crucial and not forgetting that a knowledge could help a great deal.

THE BELIEVER

I could not hold it back

I was staring at him

When he looked at me,

I turned away

When he faced another direction

I continued to stare

He was only three years older than me

But he had achieved so much

Way too much for me to explain

Or try to fathom

As he continued to give his speech

I thought to myself

If he can do it then I can

I had read books of people

Who were determined to succeed

No matter what came their way

I had lost my dad

When I was five

My mum was blind

Not literal loss of sight

But she could not see me

Amounting to anything significant

So I decided to search

Search for mentors

Who could believe in my dreams

I wanted to be a DOCTOR

Yes, a doctor or no other profession

I had always hated

To see people in pain

And now my dream began to get blurry

So blur that at times

I doubted its feasibility

I decided to search for mentors

Who would believe in me

Make my dream clearer

This man talking was one of them

One of those who gave me hope

A reason to smile again

Made my bleak and dull future

Seem brighter than I ever

Thought it could be

Oh! Such joy

Joy of anticipated fulfillment

THE PERFECT MAN

THE PERFECT MAN

There was a couple I knew

Everything in their lives seemed perfect

They had love, they had wealth

Later on they had a son

He grew up to be handsome

He was right on top of his class

And also excellent in sports

Many people wanted to be his friend

Girls loved him

After college, he was a merchant

Who wisely saved, spent and invested money

When he was 30, he was a millionaire

But a part of this story is missing

Three years after his birth

His mum gave birth to another son

Also handsome but not as bright and smart

As his elder brother

When he went to his brother for help,

His brother pushed him aside

Like I said many people wanted to be his friend

But they could not

He was an introvert, did not care about others

THAT WAS HIS PROBLEM

A smart man with a great prospect

It is worthy of note that those girls

Who admired him and jostled around him for attention
were always pushed aside by him

He felt others even those close to him (parents and brother)

Were distractions to his success

He could not understand others

He was not comfortable around others and

Did not care about others

AGAIN, I SAY THAT WAS HIS PROBLEM.

No lady wants a man like this, especially in a time where woman is on the lookout for the PERFECT MAN, but there is nothing as bad as getting engaged to a man that is insensitive, unable to understand what you are going through or give you courage or support during your trying times.

Ladies are looking for Mr Right, a man with a couple of favourable attributes : 

A man who is funny, handsome, down-to-earth, caring, intelligent, charming, sexy (six packs), tall, rich, (a heavy six or seven figure monthly income) and the list goes on and on

Tyler Perry once made a joke about women looking for their perfect man and painted a clear scenario of a woman who five pages of attributes she wants in her man, but at the age of fifty, the five page long attributes drastically reduces to five letters.

“Lord, just let him breathe”.

Obviously, everybody need somebody to hold and cling on to but what should be the major attributes of your perfect man : 

1.         VISION

Ladies should look for a man who has a definite plan of what he wants to achieve not just a man who wants to get married, have kids, be rich, provide for his parents in their old age and die.

A man who is eager to make an impact on the society by either dedicating himself to a noble cause or standing for something that others will follow

2.       INDEPENDENT

Ladies, another attribute of a husband material is a man who can stand alone and can rely majorly on the resources at his disposal, not one who goes running to his parents when faced with any slight challenge but one who can depend on himself or else such a man is not ready to raise a family.

3.       GOOD LISTENER

 Listening, the quality in a man hat should be admired, a man who creates time to listen to what you feel and will be willing to listen to all have to say no matter how boring your speech may be. Scientists have proven that ladies feel better when they have someone who is always ready to listen to all they have to say. So ladies look for a good listener.

4.       CARING

Most men who are good and genuine listeners tend to be caring. Caring men don’t wait till you have something bothering you so that they will listen, they are able to recognize when you are not at your best. They are the ones that ask this rare question “How was your day?” This means that they are evidently concerned about your well being. 

5.       A COACH AND AN INSTRUCTOR

This is very important especially during child-raising. Women should appreciate men that are capable of being an instructor (not a harsh one) and a coach that would be able to complement her motherly duties of being a teacher. 

As we all know, mothers are teachers and fathers are trainers and instructors.  If a woman gets such a man, they will be able to raise a total child.

·         Let’s not forget that he must have a good character and be God-fearing.

Ladies, now you have it all, open your eyes clearly and choose wisely, God will direct your steps.

Thank You. Have a lovely day.